Feedback Thoughts: Effectively Receiving Criticism and Dishing it Out

Constructive criticism is a really difficult thing to achieve for many people, myself included. I am constantly forced to not only receive constructive criticism as a student and an employee, but I also I have to give others constructive criticism when I train students and new employees at work, provide peers with feedback while editing their writing, and work in groups on projects for various classes. After reading the articles for this assignment, I reflected on some reasons that I might struggle with both receiving and giving constructive criticism.

One of the biggest issues I tend to have stems from my own pride. I take pride in everything I do, regardless of how small the task may seem. I personally think that taking pride in one's work means they'll do the job right because they care about it's outcome and how it will reflect on their abilities. However, I also see the danger in this thought process because there are often factors that are outside of that person's control and attributing the success or failure of a project or task that they take on solely to their personal characteristics completely discredits such factors. By discrediting these factors, one not only could be inflating the actual success of that person, but also not giving credit to that person for overcoming some very extenuating circumstances. I find the latter to be especially true if the person was unable to complete the task and others review the failure with an all or nothing mindset, often reducing the work that person put in on the project to nothing, since the outcome was not a success.

I am definitely guilty of doing this to myself, which makes receiving criticism, especially from peers, feel somewhat threatening to my work. If I receive criticism from professors, supervisors, advisors, or really anyone who is in a position to be providing me with constructive criticism, I find that I often have a much easier time receiving it. However, when it comes time to do peer review in class, I find that receiving criticism can occasionally bring out the scarier side of me...

Meme on Constructive Criticism (Constructive Memes)

Ok, I'm not that bad, but I know someone else has to feel this way. A lot of times, I have to read what someone says about my work and evaluate the source of the criticism. What I mean by that is, sometimes we are forced to evaluate peer work and not everyone cares about the process or takes it seriously. If it is for school, the person reviewing your work might be seeking out a mistake to simply write something about it, rather than reading carefully. If the person is not a part of the group that is working on the project or has limited information on the project, it is also possible that they might have misinterpreted the purpose of the assignment. However, these two conditions are not as common as anyone would like to think they are, and often, even if the criticism seems misguided, there is some truth to it and a take-home message to be had.

Meme on Constructive Criticism (Constructive Memes)

So, how can I give better feedback so that no one looks at my comments and thinks I don't care about the review process or that I just really don't know what is going on? Well, while looking for the above two memes, I ran into a checklist of how to provide effective feedback and it really seemed to highlight all the things I felt like people were missing in their feedback.

Tips for Effective Feedback (Personal Excellence Blog)

Although I really think all of the tips outlined in the above list are really important parts of providing effective feedback that will elicit a positive response, I think the first tip is my personal favorite. It is just as important to mention what someone is doing well in your feedback, as it is to mention what they could work on. There is often a huge disconnect between your explanation of how to make something better and the message you are trying express in that explanation. Providing context of what you think is already good is critical in bridging the gap between your feedback's explanation and its message. That way, no one has to feel like you are simply "dishing out" constructive criticism, and the actual goal of the peer review process can be achieved.

Communication Breakdown: The Story of Ahalya and Gautama (Amended)

Author's Note: The original source that inspired this story comes from the Ramayana, in which the story of Ahalya and Gautama is shared as background to one of Rama's encounters while on his way to Mithila. The story is one of deception and misunderstanding. Gautama, a sage and Ahalya's caretaker while she grows up, is granted her hand in marriage by Brahma, who made her to be exceptionally beautiful. However, Indra lusts after Ahalya. So, after Gautama leaves one morning, Indra changes his form to Gautama's and then seduces Ahalya. When Gautama returns, he finds the two together in bed and curses Indra to be covered in a 1000 female genitalia (later this is changed to a 1000 eyes) and turns Ahalya to stone. I changed the fate of Ahalya to include a counseling session between her and Gautama with Parvati, the goddess of love, devotion, and destruction. Parvati has her own experiences that make her particularly qualified to bring Gautama around to hearing Ahalya out.

The Story of Ahalya and Gautama (Amended)

Gautama burst into his room, seeing Ahalya, clearly shaken, and a cat attempting to exit the scene. The cat was Indra, the god of the heavens who had lusted after Ahalya for some time and had changed his form to her husband's form (Gautama's form) in order to finally succeed in seducing her. Gautama understood what had happened and immediately cursed Indra, causing him to be covered with a 1000 female genitalia. Just as he was about to lose his temper with Ahalya and turn her to stone, Parvati appeared to the couple and urged them to meditate away from one another until Gautama had calmed down and then discuss the situation.

Ahalya, terrified by the anger her husband had displayed, implored Parvati to mediate their discussion and provide them with guidance as they worked out the issue. Parvati, having been a part of many difficult discussions and engaging in plenty of frustrating situations with her own husband, Shiva, was understanding and promised to stay and guide the couple in their discussion with the goal of leading them to an understanding of what transpired, rather than letting their emotions take hold and destroy their relationship.

Ahalya by Raja Ravi Varma (Wikimedia Commons)

After meditating for the majority of the day, Gautama was ready to discuss the matter with Ahalya, only requiring that he was allowed to discuss his feelings about what he had seen first, and then letting Ahalya share her side of the story. The terms were agreed to and Parvati led the two in their discussion.

"When I saw you there with Indra, I felt completely shattered. It was as though I was being broken into a 1000 pieces as I cursed him to be covered with a 1000....well, maybe I could have handled that differently, but I nearly turned you to stone and if Parvati had not shown up when she did, I probably would have." Gautama seemed very disturbed, although considerably less angry than he had been earlier that day. 

"Ahalya, tell Gautama what you were telling me earlier. I know you are nervous, but surely you can see your husband was angry because he cares about you deeply. You two have a strong bond that is not so easily broken and if you are able to open up and discuss this, you will only become stronger." Parvati encouraged Ahalya who was still worried by her husband's temper.

"Gautama, he came to me in your form. I thought it was you until a moment before you burst into the room. I am so sorry, for I can only imagine how hurt you are, but please consider how hurt I am. I was deceived by Indra, and once I realized what was happening, he had already overcome me. You cannot imagine the fear and relief I felt when I saw you come through that door. I needed you more than ever in that moment, even in all your anger. If you can find a way to just see this from my view and imagine how terrified and disturbed I was, I know you'll find a way to forgive me. I promise you that I love you and only you." Ahalya began to tear up, saddened by the thought of Gautama no longer loving her in the wake of such a devastating event, as well as the thoughts of what Gautama was feeling. Seeing his wife cry, Gautama himself began to tear up and moved across the room to embrace her. 

"Recovering from this will be extraordinarily difficult, but if you two continue to communicate, I know you will be able to overcome this." With that, Parvati left the couple to pick up the pieces and begin the healing process.

Shiva and Parvati in British Museum (Wikimedia Commons)

Bibliography:

Narayan's Ramayana (Web Source)

Tales of Ancient India by Edmund Cox (Web Source)

Reading Notes: Narayan's Ramayana Part B

Vishvamitra
I found the background to this story particularly interesting because Thataka was punished with the rest of her family for the behavior of her sons and husband. I am interested in the way justice is portrayed in the Ramayana specifically because I think that it could be a very useful theme to cover in my storybook. Rather than let justice play out the way that it does in this story, I might imagine a different ending for Thataka and a more just ending for her sons and husband.

Ahalya
This is another story that I might like to take a closer look at. Although this story has a happier and more just ending, this is a similar story of a female character taking blame for an action that she had not intended to happen. Rama seems to be like a redeemer of justice in this story when he releases Ahalya, as opposed to the story of Thataka, where he seems to add injury to the already grave insult.

Rama and Sita
I really enjoy the story of Rama and Sita so far. I am interested to see what happens later in their story and to find out how justice is applied in this story. Based on the storybooks I have read so far, Sita's story is sad and often viewed as unjust. Although I find this story line interesting, I would like to focus on a less utilized subject (perhaps the justice theme in relation to women whose actions lack malicious intent).

Rama Attacking Thataka (Source: Wikimedia Commons)

Bibliography 
Narayan's Ramayana; source link